I'm trying not to engage in Black Friday/Cyber Monday silliness, but I did buy sneakers

"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein) 11/28/2015 at 16:12 • Filed to: None

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I am not a believer in mass consumerism. But I am a mass consumer of sneakers. It’s all because I have wide feet, and when I was a kid, my mom took me to the local !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! shoe store for wide sneakers, instead of anything cool like Air Jordans. I’ve been overcompensating ever since.

I was born in 1982. When I was a kid in the late 80s and up through the 90s, it was what many people look on as the golden age of sneakers. There were all kinds of crazy technological innovations like Nike Air, Reebok Pumps, Converse React Juice, Puma Trinomic, Adidas Torsion, and the list goes on.

So here I was, a kid in the golden age of sneakers, and all my friends were getting some fresh Air Jordans, or Bo Jackson’s Nike Air Trainers, or Reebok Pumps (and L.A. Gear’s knockoffs called the Regulators), Larry Johnson Grandmama React Juices, and I was stuck wearing some busted ass Stride Rites, not because my mom was too cheap to buy me the cool shoes, but because she wanted to make sure I had shoes that fit right.

Every time she took me to the F.R. Richey Stride Rite store, on one wall, they had the kids sizes of every cool-ass shoe you could find. It was amazing. On the opposite wall, they had all the ugly-ass Stride Rite shoes for the kids like me with wide feet. I’d always be like “MOM JUST THIS ONE TIME LET ME TRY ON THOSE AIR JORDANS THEY’RE SO AWESOME!!!!” and she wouldn’t even let me try them on. Nope. I was getting another fucking pair of some ugly-ass Stride Rites! Fuck!

There are two instances of me swearing at a very early age. #1 involves me at age 4 spilling a bowl of salsa all over the table at a large family gathering at Chi-Chi’s, nobody noticing, and me quietly saying “SHIT” over and over again, a little bit louder each time, until all the adults stopped what they were saying and wondered why little 4 year old me kept saying SHIT over and over. #2 was the time I went to the Stride Rite store in 1991 and got stuck with another fucking pair of Stride Rites when on the Cool Sneaker Wall there were the Air Jordan 6, the Air Trainer SC III, and Reebok Pump Omni Lite, practically glowing in their coolness, staring me in the face. I wanted so badly to show up at my elementary school the next day wearing one of those sneakers from the cool wall. But it was not to be—I got another pair of Stride Rites. All I could say was FUUUUUUUUCK!

My mom loves telling that story about me saying SHIT at Chi-Chi’s. Me cussing her out in a Stride Rite store, not so much.

As an adult, my interest in sneakers was always sort of there, but not to an extreme degree. My real shoe size is 11 extra-wide but for cool shoes that don’t come in widths, I buy a size 12 and have a little extra toe room. I’d buy one ugly-ass pair in my real size for working out, and another nice pair or two for looking nice.

Then in 2010 I needed to get a new pair of nice gray sneakers and ended up being overly particular about finding the perfect pair of gray sneakers. I bought a pair of Air Jordan Evolution 85s which got flak for not being an original Air Jordan model but I liked them then and still wear them 5 years later.

I’ve bought a lot of sneakers since those Evolution 85s. I read sneaker blogs. I can spot specific models and colorways of sneakers that people are wearing and give an approving nod of why yes, I did see that those are the special limited edition Jordans that you had to go through Nike’s ridiculous Twitter RSVP system to purchase, and/or pay a ridiculous markup for them on ebay.

It’s why I am a grown-ass 33 year-old man who owns bright purple suede Reebok Pump Court Victorys.

It’s why even though my gf’s family all dresses up for Thanksgiving, I made sure to pair my outfit with my newly-acquired Air Jordan 1 Nouveaus with nice buttery soft leather and suede instead of the usual crappy leather Nike puts on AJ1s. She was all worried that I was wearing sneakers to her family Thanksgiving with like 20 people but I said “babe don’t worry they’re my dress sneakers ,” and I got multiple compliments on them from people like her overly materialistic sister-in-law who can’t cook.

The best parts of Thanksgiving? The super amazing green beans and sweet potatoes my gf and I brought to the party, and my super buttery J’s.

During the whole Black Friday shopping extravaganza, so far the only thing I’ve bought is the white & green Puma Baskets with gum rubber soles at the top of this post. They were 37 whole dollars, on sale. I’m not going to wear crispy white sneakers during shitty Wisconsin winter, but they’re going to be nice and crispy when spring arrives.

Oh, and I got !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! .

Maybe I should get my gf something nice for putting up with my irrational obsession. She does need a new phone and there’s !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! on an unlocked ZTE ZMax 2 that’s totally good enough for her.

Van Man, rocks the Man Van > Textured Soy Protein 11/28/2015 at 16:24

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As a millenial, my shoe “collection” consists of: Nike, Nike, Nike, Nike, Nike, Under Armour, and Nike.

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > Textured Soy Protein 11/28/2015 at 16:25

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I know the struggle. I have to get double wide.

Textured Soy Protein > Van Man, rocks the Man Van 11/28/2015 at 16:28

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Broaden your horizons beyond the Swoosh! Nice makes some nice shoes but a lot of their stuff is total crap. I’ve got plenty of Nikes and Jordans but I have even more Reeboks, NBs, Sauconys and Pumas.

Textured Soy Protein > Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap 11/28/2015 at 16:29

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I have like 25+ pairs of shoes.

1 pair is my actual size.

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > Textured Soy Protein 11/28/2015 at 16:31

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Haha. I just wear sandals all the time.

Sam > Textured Soy Protein 11/28/2015 at 16:34

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Those Air Trainer SC III’s (wow, that’s a mouthful) are the most 90s shoes I’ve ever seen. I’d expect them to be worn by the host of a game show on Nickelodeon right after the Rugrats but before Rocko's Modern Life.

Textured Soy Protein > Sam 11/28/2015 at 16:46

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That’s not even close to the longest, silliest sneaker name out there.

From my own closet, I give you the Nike Air Max 95-2013 Dynamic Flywire:

(Every time I wear these to work on a Casual Friday, without fail, Particularly Religious Coworker asks me if they’re new. She always does it with this pair.)

FSI - alcohol enthusiast with a car problem > Textured Soy Protein 11/28/2015 at 16:52

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All the damn sneakers that I would like to buy are damn expensive special editions. The regular ones of those above are super ugly.

scoob > Textured Soy Protein 11/28/2015 at 16:58

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Van Man, rocks the Man Van > Textured Soy Protein 11/28/2015 at 17:09

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I agree Nike’s quality is sometimes iffy. But I like Nikes mostly because of how they look and their comfort.

Textured Soy Protein > FSI - alcohol enthusiast with a car problem 11/28/2015 at 17:15

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I don’t get too fixated on random collab editions of running shoes because there are so many good general release versions of 80s/90s running silhouettes. For me, a lot of the good runner silhouettes are interchangeable.

If you like a special edition of one silhouette, you can probably find a similar general release on another silhouette. Or if you like a particular silhouette but can’t find the colorway you want, there’s probably some other good colorway for it.

Burgundy is super easy to find because if all else fails there’s pretty much always more than 1 burgundy NB 574 colorway available at a given time. Hell a couple years back I almost bought a pair of burgundy AM1s very much like those, just without the teal, at the Nike outlet.

Sure they don’t have the teal hits but whatever, they do the trick. I’ve always got a pair of burgundy NBs in my rotation. They’re a staple.

Tonal dark royal with white soles, well that’s a little harder to find.

BKosher84 > Textured Soy Protein 11/28/2015 at 17:15

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My family and I went to the Magnificent Mile (Michigan Ave) in Chicago yesterday. It was a clusterfuck of fuckiness with the protesters. It sucked.

At least when my six month old gets older I’ll have a great story on how we had to break through a protest line to evacuate the mall. Ugh...

Textured Soy Protein > Van Man, rocks the Man Van 11/28/2015 at 17:17

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Honestly even the comfort aspect is very hit-or-miss with Nikes, especially retros. Most modern Nikes from the past 5 or so years for the most part have good cushioning but a lot of their older models are rather crap, even compared with other brands’ shoes from a similar era.

Van Man, rocks the Man Van > Textured Soy Protein 11/28/2015 at 17:32

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I don’t really collect shoes, I just use them. I play high level basketball, so I go through most pairs in 4-6 months and have 2-3 pairs that I wear often at once. So obviously comfort is a biggie, but so is looks, as silly as it sounds.

Textured Soy Protein > scoob 11/28/2015 at 17:59

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That meme died as soon as some kid at Michael Jordan’s basketball camp asked the GOAT , WHAT ARE THOSE.

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gear5 > Textured Soy Protein 11/28/2015 at 19:12

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wow those are so nice! I’m not a sneaker enthusiast, not even close, but I like good quality ones. I’ve had a bunch of nikes, etc, and I have a question, fellow sneaker addicted. How do you clean the suede like texture form them? I have these that my brother bought me as a gift, from the US:

The area around where your jeans sit is getting “colored” by them... How do I clean that properly?
Thanks!

Textured Soy Protein > gear5 11/28/2015 at 21:35

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I’m not really a sneaker cleaning expert. Usually when I first get them I hit them with a suede-safe sealant spray. Generally if I know the weather’s gonna be bad, I stick to wearing shoes that I don’t mind messing up or I know are more weather resistant.

For cleaning soles a lot of people recommend Mr. Clean Magic Erasers and soft-bristle toothbrushes.

There are various suede cleaning solutions out there but a lot of stains on suede can just be brushed out with a good suede brush. Really if you google suede cleaning instructions you’ll probably get much more useful information than I’d be able to provide.

gear5 > Textured Soy Protein 11/29/2015 at 13:08

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Thansk for the tips! Have a star!

Rico > Textured Soy Protein 12/01/2015 at 15:30

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How yellow are your soles?

Rico > Textured Soy Protein 12/01/2015 at 15:33

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Is this your pic?

Textured Soy Protein > Rico 12/01/2015 at 15:36

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No, I most definitely do not wear camouflage pants with rolled up cuffs haha!

Textured Soy Protein > Rico 12/01/2015 at 15:36

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Actually not so bad 5 years on, more kinda grayish.

Rico > Textured Soy Protein 12/01/2015 at 15:37

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As someone who has wide feet I feel your pain. Nike’s are usually just narrow, I have AM95s from 2006 that still fit perfect but I have a pair from last year same size that are just so damn narrow now. Those 6’s still look good til this day even with all the retros I’m sure in 91 (when I was 1 years old) they looked amazing.

What other brands do you like? I’ve been on the Asics flow for a little while.

Rico > Textured Soy Protein 12/01/2015 at 15:37

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I never had a pair of Reeboks that fit right, they always pinch my Achilles.

Rico > Textured Soy Protein 12/01/2015 at 15:41

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I’ve got foamposites that are almost gold at the bottom that’s how yellow the soles are.

Textured Soy Protein > Rico 12/01/2015 at 15:57

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It’s weird, because for non-retros, modern Nikes are actually kinda generous in the width. Like I have a pair of Free Run 2.0 wovens and a pair of AM95-2013s, and both of those in a normal 12 are totally fine.

But I happened to find a pair of size 13 Knicks Flightposites at Nordstrom Rack for 60 bucks, and even the 13s were a bit too narrow, and way too long.

I like the looks of Asics retros but they’re too narrow for me mostly. Off the top of my head I think I can name all of my current pairs and that’s 7 Nike, 6 Reebok, 3 Jordan, 2 NB, 1 Vans, 1 Puma. So that’s only 20 pairs, nice!

I just got rid of 3 pairs: Puma R698s, a pair of leather Vans CA chukkas, and a pair of leather Converse All-Stars. I donated them because they were worn out. I was a little sad to let go of the R698s because they were the Classic Kickx X Puma collab from 2011, but I kinda beat them to hell, I have plenty of other green shoes, and I still have the matching laptop sleeve that came with them.

Rico > Textured Soy Protein 12/01/2015 at 18:43

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I mostly only have retros lol, the non retro Nikes I have are Dunks which are a pretty generous with width. I hate when shoes look long, I’m pretty short but I also need size 11 sneakers most of the time and can rock a 10.5 if the shoe is wide enough. You have quite an eclectic collection, that’s good. I’m sure you stand out in Wisconsin. Is it rude that I would associate Wi with Wrangler relaxed fit jeans and construction boots?

Textured Soy Protein > Rico 12/01/2015 at 18:59

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I should rephrase that—the Nike retro runners are too narrow. Basketball retros are fine. Dunks aren’t necessarily retros but they’re an old style.

There are many, many pairs of Wrangler relaxed fit jeans. Not a ton of construction boots. Way more “I give up” dad shoe cross trainers. Nike Monarchs and whatever the latest New Balance version is.

My shoes stand out but my overall style is pretty plain. Like here I am, showing off my newfound muscles in a JCPenney dressing room along with my Reebok Instapump Fury HLS .

And yes, I totally bought that shirt on sale for 15 bucks because my arms look big in it.

I actually just thought “I wonder if someone is going to try to make the Nike Monarch cool because of how un-cool it is” and apparently that’s already happened .

Rico > Textured Soy Protein 12/01/2015 at 19:11

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Lol I was just about to say I’ve definitely seen young kids in skinny jeans rocking those. Good to know my assumption on wranglers was right! Yeah I’m pretty plain with many of my outfits only because I don’t like huge labels and it’s usually my shoes that stand out depending on where I’m going. Like Ralph Lauren for example if you showed me two identical RL shirts and one of them had the horse on it, I would take the one without. Unless it’s one of those RL Teddy Bears. I love that guy no matter how silly it may look it reminds me of my childhood:

PotbellyJoe and 42 others > Textured Soy Protein 12/02/2015 at 13:54

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I have the color-flip of these.

They sit in my closet along with Adidas Sambas of black, red, white with orange stripes, white with red stripes, blue, dark blue and then 4 different models of Sauconies that I use for running, trail running and triathlon.

I own more shoes than my wife.

Textured Soy Protein > FSI - alcohol enthusiast with a car problem 12/30/2015 at 02:20

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So I randomly happened to revisit this post today and I also happened to randomly stumble upon super cheap Reebok Ventilators in burgundy with teal/light blue hits on sale at Finish Line for 35 bucks .

I have a pair of Ventilators in a different colorway and they’re way more comfy than AM1s anyway.

All-royal runners with all-white soles are harder to find. Actually that Saucony colorway with the red pops is reproduced almost exactly on the Nike Roshe One Hyper Cobalt/Hyper Punch, but I don’t like Roshes because they remind me of Aladdin genie shoes.

Puma Aril Mazarine Blue

This Reebok CL Runner Tech Mesh blue/white is close too...

Some other ideas that aren’t quite as close of a colorway match, or if you’re not tied to a runner silhouette...

Asics Gel Lyte III Mid Blue

Saucony Grid 9000 Blue/White/Gum

New Balance MRT572GB

New Balance ML574SBF

New Balance M530PIB

Puma R698 Splatter

Air Jordan Future Varsity Royal

Air Jordan Future Low Photo Blue

Adidas Tubular X Collegiate Royal

Or you could always play around with the customization options from the different shoe companies and probably get close.

FSI - alcohol enthusiast with a car problem > Textured Soy Protein 12/30/2015 at 03:09

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Well, too bad that I already wasted my christmas savings for a pair of Vans SK8 hi and booze. But thank you for taking the time. I did look at those Adidas Tubulars but at 149 Euros they were out of my budget and the Roshes look exactly like the ones my ex gf had. But I definately have to check out the other ones. The thing I dislike about buying sneakers tho is that the special and/or nice colorways are mostly only available online and I can’t try them on.